"I remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved Me and followed Me through the wilderness through a land not sown." Jeremiah chapter 2
Through a land not sown.
Such devotion, such trust.
Through a land not sown.
This was how I married. There were no stakes defining our territory. Nothing yet planted. We were young. Very young. Very broke. But thankfully, and I became more and more aware as I aged, what an advantage it was ~ very free of debt.
We were two kids. Head over heels in love. And that was it.
"I don't know much. But I know I love you. And that may be all I need to know." I think Aaron Nevil might just have nailed it on the head with that one.
You see we've been married for twenty six years now, and you know what I've learned through all those years and all those miles? The most valuable thing I've learned?
That, that really is all I need to know.
That I love him.
Deep down, in the depths of who I am. I love him.
And that is the answer.
I love how he loves me. I love the man he is. Full of character and work ethic, and a generosity of spirit I've seen in few others. I love how he loves our daughters. And the grandpa he's become. Tossing these new little girls around, holding them, as they howl at being left with Grammy and Boomps for the night, lonely for their mothers.
I love the wrinkles that are now around his still sparkly brown eyes.
I love his elegant fingers, left clean from his passion for computer work, his piano, and his distain for yard work or sports.
I love that he's learned not to talk to me early in the morning, but instead to leaves me in peace as I slowly wake up through out my first hour of the day.
This is the man I fell in love with. The man with whom I walked into a land not sown.
I trust him. Fully.
I have loved him as a bride loves. Jumping in with both feet. Having no career. Anxious to begin our family and remain home to raise them. I was often told I should have a "back up plan." What if he leaves you? What if he doesn't earn enough? Don't you think you should be able to provide for yourself - just in case?!
"Like a bride loves." "The devotion of your youth." "Through a land not sown."
There was no back up plan. No, just in case. Only joyfully ignorant bliss.
Things could have gone wrong. Illness. Finances. Things out of one's control for the most part.
But in terms of character I was all in. I had no doubts. I was betting it all on black. Spin the wheel because I'm not pulling out. "All I need to know."
And he's never let me down. Not once.
Have there been times he's hurt me? Yes. Have there been times I've come second to his work? Yes. Has he ever gone back on what he pledged to me on that hot June day back in 1989? Never.
He has loved me with a faithful devotion that has steadied and sustained me for the past quarter century.
We're not kids anymore. We've planted, and are now reaping the harvest of that unsown land, together.
A marriage. A family. A home and a life. A security and a stake in something we both hold so dear we almost hesitate to breath as to not upset it.
And yet now, there's a new land. Not yet sown.
A place where we learn what it is to be two again. Jumping in and out of the eight our family has grown into. Knowing it's there. The beautiful weight of it, the security and grounding it gives to all of us.
But there's more territory to plant. There's old age yet to come. And between then and now, adventures to be had, decisions to be made and new lands yet to come.
"To love as a bride loves."
Will I follow you? Of course. Only a fool wouldn't. You have led me, lovingly, kindly, tenderly, through the past 26 years. Making every decision with me in mind. Every choice, every act of self discipline and sacrifice. Always choosing me.
And so I choose you. Again. I choose us. I choose the wilderness. I hate the dark, I'm afraid of the woods. But I'm not afraid of what we, together create. I've seen it. I feel it. I carry it inside me, everyday. And it gives me my strength.
I won't have you forever. There will come a day when the planting will be done, and I'll be left, or you will be my love, with only the harvest of our choices. But for now, I want to go where you lead. There's an entire phase, an entire stage yet to come. Where it's just us again. "How as a bride you loved Me and followed Me." Let's go there together.
I choose us.