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Sunday
Jan272019

Just Because Your Husband Is Driving You Crazy, Doesn't Mean He's Doing Anything Wrong

There’s an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, where Larry’s wife, Cheryl, wants to separate, and he is pleading his case to stay.  She tells him, something along the lines of;

“When you were working on Seinfeld, you got up everyday and left, when you came home you had things to tell me.  Now you’re just…”

Larry, “Always around.”

Cheryl, “Ya...”

Larry, “It’s too much Larry!”

Cheryl, brightening that he understands, “Yes!  Yes! It’s too much Larry! I mean I like you and everything, but you’re…”

“Always around!”

“Yes!”

“We can do less Larry, I can do less Larry!”  He concedes, happy to have understood the problem.  “I can go out, I can do things.”

My husband and I howled when we watched this!  “Too much Larry,” has become a shorthand expression within our marriage, for - ‘I like you, I just don’t need to be around you quite this much…’

 

"I’d try to figure out why he was driving me crazy, what he was doing.  I’d pick something, and start an argument based on that."


After the Christmas holidays this year, I was getting snarky with my husband.  He wasn’t doing anything in particular, it has just been a lot of togetherness.  I was ready to get back to my regular schedule and routine, without him being there…  all the time… in my kitchen… wanting to ‘hang out.’ I was done hanging out. I was ready to get back to work, and just because the home is our home, it’s also my office.  It’s my place of work. I would no more lean up against my husband’s desk while he’s working, or lounge in his office chair wanting to ‘hang out,’ than I want him under foot when I’m in work mode at home.

The funny thing is, he doesn’t find the Too Much Larry concept anymore offensive than Larry did on the show!  In fact as soon as New Years was over he was up and out of the house first thing, off to his office and out of my hair.  I hadn’t even said anything, he just understood that I’d had Too Much Larry.

We were laughing about this, and realizing that a lot of the arguments we had earlier on in our marriage - we’ll hit 30 years this June - were probably, more about Too Much Larry, than any real problem or situation.  When the younger me was bugged by him, I’d think to myself, ‘Augh! You’re driving me crazy!’ And then I’d try to figure out why he was driving me crazy, what he was doing.  I’d pick something, and start an argument based on that, when really, if we’d come to this understand earlier on, we could have simply admitted we’d come to a Too Much Larry stage, and given each other some room.

In an effort to promote a more peaceful relationship in your home, I’d encourage you to think about this next time your husband is bugging you.  Is he really doing something that needs a big conversation, or argument, or have you just had Too Much Larry? Or maybe he’s had too much time with you, and doesn’t know how to express it, maybe he’s the one creating conflicts out of a frustration that he can’t quite place.  Either way. Introducing the concept of Too Much Larry into your marriage, might be as helpful for you as it’s been for us.

It’s worth a try!


 

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